Solving the Tension Between Family and Work
By Isaac French
A reader recently asked, “How do you work on business with a growing family?”
He wanted to express how much he values his wife and kids (far beyond whatever his work is worth), while acknowledging the impact of that work on his family’s well-being and prosperity.
It’s a great question.
I’m not claiming to have all the answers, but I’ll share a few thoughts.
As I wrote about a few months ago, I belong to a traditional Christian community that aims to make our shared faith come alive in all areas of life. We strive to live lives that are whole—where work, family, and everything else aren’t at odds but serve a higher purpose and work together.
Brazos de Dios—the working farm at Homestead Heritage in central Texas where I live
In our community, most of us (I’d say 90-95%) are either self-employed or work for each other. I consider it a huge blessing to share a lifestyle that allows work to fit into the broader context of family, faith, and friendship.
Work supports family life, rather than pulls away from it.
My dad was a great example of this. Raising (and homeschooling) 10 kids alongside my mom, he ran a small plumbing company. He built the company office out of a modular shed walking distance from our home, next to the family garden.
This meant he could be home for breakfast, dinner, and often throughout the day.
The life they gave us, and the example they set, are some of the most valuable things I’ve inherited. I can’t wait to pass this example on to my own kids!
So as I think about the question, work—whatever it entails—must fit into something bigger to remain balanced. Sometimes, it feels like a constant battle, especially for anyone driven to succeed. But if there’s an overarching principle that unites work, play, family, and friends, everything can align to serve the same purpose.
There are certainly seasons of sacrifice. 2021 was one of those for me. I was building Live Oak Lake, a large spec house to help pay for it, and trying maintain healthy relationships with my wife, family, and friends.
It was challenging.
Then, just before Thanksgiving, I broke my pelvis. After multiple surgeries and a week of laying flat on a hospital bed, I was limited to crutches for three months.
Between surgeries…
Despite the pain, I had more to be thankful for on that holiday than ever before. Helen was an angel, and our friends bombarded us with love and support.
That difficult season became a blessing in disguise. I grew relationships I wouldn’t have otherwise had. And together the project still got done!
So what is the guiding principle?
For us, it’s love—for God, for each other, for our neighbors.
Everything we do must be in service to this higher purpose. That’s why I care so much about what I do (I want it to glorify God), and that’s why I love hospitality…
These days, my work—whether it’s engaging with others (through Experiential Hospitality community calls, consulting, etc), sharing their stories, or creating beautiful places for people to enjoy—offers golden opportunities to serve, pursue excellence, and to make the faith I mentioned earlier come alive!
Serving others is at the heart of true hospitality, but it’s also a principle that applies and can be lived-out in every single occupation and area of life.
So, yes, there are times where you have to refocus and prioritize, but work, family, and faith shouldn’t constantly feel at odds. If they do, chances are you might be working on the wrong thing, or doing it the wrong way.
To sum it up:
There are seasons of sacrifice, but make sure you’re on the same page with your family, friends, community—whatever that looks like—and especially with your spouse.
Consider ways to work closer to your family and loved ones. Maybe you can’t build an office behind your house (I’m so blessed to have The Nook), but there are many ways to align work with family life. Of course, many already do with the trends the pandemic created (one of the few positive outcomes from that mess).
My daily commute:)
Oh, one final note: one of my biggest challenges of blending work and family life has been the difficulty in “switching off” and maintaining boundaries. But it can be done; it just takes a lot of intentionality.
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I hope all this makes a little sense and perhaps can help!